Friday, August 7, 2009

saying no to a bride?

I have yet another question regarding wedding etiquette for all of my readers. This comes courtesy of TLS who is in a bit of a sticky situation and needs advice. To avoid any miscommunication between the genders, I am copying and pasting this straight from the horse's (err, boy's) mouth.

I met RP during Air Force training and became friends with him, and when we were both in San Antonio I met his fiance, AH. Over the course of the years, I became close friends with the couple but RP was a quiet person who would often let AH take a lead role in things. Besides fights between the two of them, this also led to me seeming to be a better friend of AH's than RP.
About the time I left for England, the two finally agreed to separate and go their separate ways. I've tried to remain friends with both, though AH made it difficult since she started seeing someone while still living with RP. As far as I know this was agreed upon by both of them and was completely fine, but I had my doubts.
Now AH is engaged to her new friend, and immediately asked me to be part of the wedding party. And I don't know what to do.

Any advice for the boy?


  1. As sad as it is, I don't actually believe you can successfully remain close to both RP and AH. I think you need to figure out where they fit in your life. If RP is still very important in your life, speak with him. If y'all have drifted, then I guess go ahead and be a part of AH's wedding. Just know that it could hurt RP's feelings. Good luck! I think its a sticky situation either way.

  2. I wonder why AH would ask you in the first place knowing that you still speak to RP. I'm wondering if she's just using you to rub her marriage in his face. Íf I were you, I'd be busy that day. If anything goes bad its going to be all on you

  3. I think that it is an awkward situation all around. I think you should decline the offer, and tell her that you just don't feel right considering you are RP's friend as well. Tell her that you are so happy for her, and would love to go to the wedding, but just not be in the wedding party, but it really means a lot that she asked you.

  4. Wow. This is a pretty sticky jam (pun intended) for TLS.

    If TLS & RP were girls and AH was a guy, I'd say AVOID EVERYTHING and be (as Kerree said) busy that day!

    However, as TLS and RP are guys I'd say mention it to RP causally to get a read on it - I think guys are far less inclined to be as concerned about someone in their ex gf's wedding than a girl would be.

    KK is making a strong point as well, that when a couple breaks up it leaves the mutual friends in a tough jam. Go into the conversation w/ RP knowing where you stand and who's relationship is more important to you in the long run.

    Lastly, you have to be OK with telling AH (if it comes down to it) that you're honored she'd ask but will take a pass on being in the wedding party.

    On a side note - AH must have some intense wedding plans, as it never crossed my mind to have any of my guy friends in my wedding - and one of my BFFs is a guy. I just always assumed he'd attend as a guest. But that's just me.

  5. If he feels closer to AH, and wants to be a part of the wedding, I would just explain that to RP.

    However, if he doesn't really care to be a part of AH's wedding I would just tell her that he will be there and is so happy for her, but due to his relationship w/RP would rather not be in the wedding party.

    And finally....does RP even care? Is RP dating someone else and happy? Because if he is, perhaps it doesn't matter to him either way?

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  7. Yikes, this one is a sticky wicket. We don't know what to say Miss MRM, feeling like we don't know all the info; at best we can say our gut reaction is a negative as far as being in the wedding. Our feelings echo Miss Kerree's.

    Hope your week is going swimmingly!

  8. what happened with this? what did he decide?

    btw, the day i tried to respond to this -- I COULD NOT GET ON YOUR BLOG TO SAVE MY LIFE.