Monday, August 24, 2009

relationship slump or just a case of the Mondays?

I have a relationship rant. I feel like we are in a slump. I love TLS dearly and he is my best friend but I'm just feeling down lately. I believe that an ideal relationship should be 50/50 and we definitely don't have that. It seems like everything centers around him and his needs and I'm put on the backburner. I know that this is a common gripe in military relationships. We've talked about this before but considering things are so much easier for him then they are for me, I don't think that he can get what I'm feeling. Case in point, this weekend I went an hour and a half out of my way and walked 40+ blocks to get him a six pack of Yuengling to bring with me to England because he loves Yuengling and you can't get it over there. While I love being able to make him happy, I know that if the tables were turned, he would not do the same for me. Am I just overreacting? What do you do when you are in a slump? How do you pull yourself out of it?

21 comments:

  1. Hmmm... I dont like the sounds of this so early on... what I think is that you are in a LDR, long distance relationship and there will be ups and downs, no matter what. Unfortunately, that sucks!! But make the best of it, do what you think will make each other happy, xxxooo

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  3. They need an edit comment feature.

    I agree with Dollface. *Le sigh* This sounds a lot like the relationship I had with my ex (emphasis on the ex). Make sure you let him know how you feel and that you expect 50/50 - you deserve someone who puts as much into your happiness as you do theirs.

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  4. Long distance relationships are hard and I think that is the main factor in what you are feeling. Plus, every relationship goes through slumps whether you are physically near to each other or not. Be honest with him about what you are feeling and let him know what you expect. You have to remember that he is a boy and they are not so thoughtful as we are sometimes.

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  5. Agreed with everyone's comments thus far. I, too, don't like the way this sounds. *sigh* Sounds a lot like my ex as well. You deserve someone who would do the same for you and go through the same lenghts that you have. I definitely think you should let him know how you feel upfront. Trying to set up expectations later will be more difficult than nipping it in the bud now. LDR are hard. You only deserve the best, ya know!!!!

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  6. LDRs suck, and when this is going on it makes it even harder.

    I think it is time for a heart to heart with the boy. Of course, if he is in the military it does complicate things...

    *hugs*

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  7. How about all those gorgeous surprise flowers ??

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  8. I'm not sure I can give advice. I agree that any relationship needs to be 50/50. Though I know sometimes one partner will be giving 95. Which is fine as long as it is later reciprocated. Is he planning things for you to do on your visit? I think that this time together will be a good tell on if things really can be 50/50 like you deserve.

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  9. Hmm. I have to say that I was in a LDR with my current bf for about 7 months and it was very similar. He would do sweet things occasionally, but the majority of the time it was me going out of my way to make him happy. However, I think that has something to do with being a girl too. We always want to do the sweet, creative stuff and men just aren't like that.

    I will say that once we were in the same area, things completely changed and my bf became very thoughtful and wonderful at showing his appreciation for our relationship. I think it's safe to say that we both contribute 50/50 now that we are no longer LDR.

    I hope that things work out for you two. LDRs are soooo hard and I know you feel lonely a significant amount of the time. I guess it is time to talk and let TLS know how you are feeling. Like Preppy Pink Crocodile says, this time in London will help you assess where your relationship is and how much TLS is reciprocating.

    Chin up - it will all work out!!
    xoxo

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  10. It's a tricky situation. It is indeed supposed to be 50-50, but what with the LDR and him being in the military, well.. I'd suggest that you have a word with him about it, my experiences of LDRing (2.6 yrs!) say that honesty and openness is the way to go. Don't hold anything in, try not to hold grudges, no matter how hard that might be. If you go too long like that, it might be very hurtful for the relationship.

    So, tell him how you feel!! :) I'm sure it's just a case of gendered misunderstanding!!

    Hope you have an amazing time in London!!

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  11. I'm sure once you get to see each other it will be ok, maybe it is the pre England jitters:) I go through the same thing ever so often but usually it is just when I need some extra attention from the bf. I get my attention, and then I am all smiles again! Good luck :)

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  12. Do you really know he wouldnt do the same?

    I dont think relationships should be 50/50....I think they need to be 100/100. Both of you need to give 100% to make it work.

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  13. Suburban is so right-- the relationship needs to be 100/100. But I have a question for you: would you be you if you had not gone out of your way for the beer? Methinks not. I get the sense that you are a caring gf and want the best for TLS. And from the sound of things (like him sending you packages and flowers and whatnot), he's a caring bf. As a military spouse, I'll tell you that life with a military man can only get harder. YOu just have to remember that the sacrifices you make are because of Uncle Sam. If TLS had a choice, he'd probably do a lot more to make you feel supported. (I'm probably projecting there a bit.)

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  14. I have the same questions that Suburban Princess has....do you know he wouldn't do the same? Some people are just more thoughtful than others on a regular basis. TEN is actually much more thoughtful than I am. However, when I think of something that I know would make him happy (and it's usually something BIG)I can't wait to pull it off/give it to him/whatever. He does things daily. I do things less frequently, but they are just as meaningful I think? Perhaps TLS is this way too?

    And..the distance...is awful :( I've done a LDR before, and although they certainly can work...don't beat yourself up for second guessing things. When someone isn't down the street, or across town, that happens I think. It's totally normal!

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  15. If I feel things are getting off balance I shut down. Am not nice and maybe even throw a fit about something. But I'm not sure that would work for you. I hope everything works out! xxoo

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  16. Oh honey. I wish I had some advice for you that was up beat and encouraging. Only I don't. I've been married for 12 years now and its still the same way. I do and do and never get anything in return. Yeah there is the random acts of kindnes that he'll do once in a very great while but most of the time it's the way you describe. I can only say that I just learned to let it go because I do love him so much but there are times that I wish I had that super romantic spontaneous man. Good Luck sweetie. XOXO

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  17. 50/50? No way! 60/40 or 70/30 should be more like it. ;) I read somewhere that all guys are instinctively hunters (in that caveman hunters/gatherers sort of way)and are most happy when they are the pursuers although they do like to take a break now and then but only a break. In my experience, I believe this is true. My dating relationships (pre-marriage) were always better when I was the 'hunt-ee' and not the hunter and it was a heck of a lot more fun! :)

    As for lugging something across the pond for him ~ I say that is what FedEx is for. You are the gift! ... but you are very thoughtful too. :)

    Whatever happens it will be for the best. Enjoy the moments. :) xoxo

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  18. I agree with the others who have said talk to him about it. If he knows how you feel and doesn't try to do anything to improve, then you have reason to start questioning things. Hope everything works out for you and you enjoy your time in England!

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  19. I think that right now you might be thinking oh, this is normal. But the fact that you are thinking this and took the time to blog about it a BIG deal. I truly feel that when it's "The one" it never feels like that. And while you are a rock star for getting him some special beer, if you think he never does this kind of stuff for you then that is a issue. I'd talk to him about it and if you get a crappy response, I'd consider moving on!! Good luck lady!

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  20. Hhhmmm.. we are in sync with those expressing concern or saying "this one is troubling" Miss MRM, and we're going to float you an email shortly.

    But we have to say that it is almost never 50-50, at times it veers wildly in either direction... but the sense we each have is that over the long haul it really *does* become equalized.

    Hhhmm...off to email and in the interim we're sending you a big hug,
    tp

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