Wednesday, April 29, 2009

single ladies, please never do this

Do y'all remember this post? Well here's an update. I went out to dinner with that friend, CSK, last night. She still has not yet officially moved to Philadelphia, thankfully, but has been job searching there like crazy and has been pretty much living with him as it is. This friend is a little bit nutty and is one of those people that can't let you get a word in edgewise. She kept on asking me about my boy situation and J, and every time I tried to tell her about him, it would remind her of something that her boyfriend did or said or this one time... and I did not get to tell her anything. But I digress.

A couple of years ago, one of the women's interest magazines, I believe it was Marie Claire, did a checklist of things that you should do while you're still single. One of the things on that list was to plan out your dream wedding. Personally, I do not agree with this at all. I am not one of those girls who has had her entire wedding planned out since she was five. I think that it is perfectly fine and normal to know what flowers or style wedding dress you want or if you want a June wedding at the Plaza or something in the winter, but it gets to be a problem when you don't know where to draw the line. The problem with a fantasy wedding is that it is, well, a fantasy. There is no budget and you can go crazy with planning it. However, once that ring is on your finger and you are planning a wedding for real, you start to pay attention to how much things cost, and it sets girls up for a whole world of disappointment when they realize that oh, they can't have the Vera Wang dress, and the Sylvia Weinstock cake, and the celebrity wedding planner, and all that jazz. I have had my engagement ring picked out for years (actually, there are two rings that I am obsessed with) and being that I know what price point they start at, I know there is NWIH I will ever get one.

So anyhoo, we're at dinner, eating a lovely platter of raw fish, when CSK starts telling me about her cuddlebear and how he is the love of her life. After 2.5 months of dating. Raw tuna is not one of those foods that you want to regurgitate so I sat there pretty much paralyzed trying to keep my food down. She then has started telling me that she sees the two of them getting married and has started thinking about their future. And by their future she means their wedding. And by started thinking about it, she means has planned it down to the last T. Once again folks, there is nothing wrong with fantasizing about your wedding. Nothing at all. But please know when to draw the line. This girl already has the entire wedding party picked out, her colors, the bridesmaids' dresses, the rabbi who will be marrying them, the location of the wedding, their gift registry, the floral arrangements, and most scary of all, the exact time of day that the wedding will take place because the caterer that they will be using is 2 hours away from the reception site and will need time to get there. I wish I was kidding. Is there a ring on her finger? Of course not. She also has the exact date by which he has to propose so that she has enough time to plan out everything. Let me just say that I am already planning a vacation for October of 2010 so that if this wedding actually happens, I have a reason why I can't be there. (I am not in the wedding party, but it has been "suggested" to me what colors I should wear. To the wedding that will most likely not be happening.) I have never pegged this girl to be a bridezilla, but apparently I was wrong.

It should also be noted that CSK's younger sister got married two years ago at age 20 to a man who was 14 years older than her and had just moved to the United States four months before the wedding. Her husband has been living in her mother's house while the girl is in school, about 4 hours away. They are finally moving in together on their own this summer. When I asked CSK how they were doing, her response was "they're ok, but I feel like they haven't really been married since they haven't really lived together. Who knows if the marriage will work out after they move in together?" So says the girl who was ready to move in after no time and all and has already planned out every last detail of their wedding.


  1. i'm just sorry about the sushi you could have eaten but for the loss of appetite :)

    absurd. seriously. and even weirder that she thinks it's normal since she has no problems talking about it. at least keep it on the DL!

  2. Wow. Just wow.
    I'm right there with ya though -- I'd rather elope than have to decide all that weddinghell minutia.
    She seems like the type more in love with a fantasy wedding than the actual wedding's other main participant.
    Aw, that's sad.

  3. So she's planned out her wedding to a guy she's known for 2.5 months... has she planned out the marriage in as much detail? Does she know if they'll have separate or joint bank accounts? Who will vacuum and who will wash the dishes? Who gets to get up with the snot-nosed kids when they're sick? Ok, that's my marriage and family therapist side talking there, but seriously. I wish people would put as much effort into thinking about the ins and outs of the relationship as they do about color themes and wedding cake.

  4. ugh that is infuriating! One of my best friends used to always try to offer me unsolicited "advice" based on her one year relationship with an alcoholic psycho when I had been with my boyfriend for 5 years at that point. I wanted to gauge her eyes out.

  5. I almost spit out my drink when I read that part about the tuna! That girl is crazy!

  6. Talk about jumping the gun!
    Also, don't you hate people who ask you a question so they can answer it for you and you can just listen to them talk talk talk? Annoying. I have one of those in my life. No fun.

  7. This is a little nuts. 2.5 months is not ok to start detail planning your wedding. I know I dream about it, but there are tons of things I have NO idea what I will do with. Tell her to face reality, in a nice way, and not over raw fish :) xxooo

  8. So I have lots of thoughts and opinions on why people do this - mostly because my brother has just announced that his GF of about....4 months (well, almost 4 months) is moving across the country and over some ocean to live with him because...he has a good feeling.
    I love my brother, and I am self-aware that as his eldest sister NO girl will ever be good enough for him, but this lovely lady is planning on moving to paradise with him so that she can give it the old college try and has be FB-ing her friends (she thinks I don't creep her on FB?!) that he's the one and she expects a ring within about 2 months of moving out there.
    Brother dearest, while he has a 'good feeling about this one' is A. Not one for 'relationships' and B. made it clear to her that rings are a loooooong way off as he is pre-med and pretty determined to get his MD in the next 6 years.
    So where does that leave us? My sister and I are taking her out drinking, getting her smashed and slapping her into reality. Mostly because we don't like her on principal, partly because she's clearly a mental case, and a little bit because OMG everyone can see what you write on FB. (Sans my baby brother who is very over FB and checks it about once a month to message his buddies about going to the bars).
    Beyond the irrational planning of the wedding - what REALLY GETS ME is the ego-maniacal assumption of engagement.

    *stepping off my sisterly soapbox*

  9. OH MY GOSH. Ugh. Poor you. To think, you could have been out having a nice evening, or even cuddling at home on the couch with a nice bottle of wine. Wow. Why do women do this to themselves. I completely agree on planning the dream wedding -- in my experience, that only makes the women crazy to find the guy who will fill the spot to make the dream wedding happen, and drives away the guys because the women are on a crazy hunt for a proposal. Terrible advice for single ladies. And even sadder b/c there are people out there like your friend who start to believe the fantasy and then make terrible choices on top of it! I had no idea what I wanted when we got engaged, and it was waaayyy better that way -- plus, what a waste of TIME to plan a wedding that's probably not going to resemble your actual wedding AT ALL! But sounds like there may be some family history to back up this weird behavior?! Hope it all works out for her...

  10. Wowzah! Poor girl. Life is likely to be hard on her in the future.

    Another reason planning everything to the T is a bad idea: you can't factor in the groom. Maybe his mother isn't able to travel out of state, 7 states away from you. Maybe he's allergic to flowers. Maybe he has some actual opinions. It happens! It's his marriage too, and at the very least his needs/desires should be considered-

    This is right on point with the this super recent post (not my blog, but a nice one:

  11. I have no jaw is simply just swinging back and forth.