Every Friday, I do a "my favorite things" post. Since I am off work tomorrow (yay for waking up after the rooster does!), I will be making my favorite things post today. In honor of April Fool's Day being yesterday, and to give my readers a chance to get to know me better, today I will make two lists. One of my favorite things, and one of my least favorite things. I will now commence the first one:
Plenty of people out there in our little world don't like mushrooms. I am not like them. It's not that I just don't like mushrooms, it's that I am deathly terrified of them. They are seriously my biggest fear. I can't look at them, touch them, taste them, smell them, or be around them. If I am out to eat with someone and they order something that comes with mushrooms on the plate, I will seriously take the bottle of wine, our drinking glasses, and whatever else I can, and arrange them to form a barrier between us, so I don't have to see the mushrooms. Yes, I know folks, this isn't normal. There's a reason why things are called phobias. (I am so terrified of them that I can't even post a picture on my blog.)
Back in my college days, I used to loooooooooooooove jello shots. Then, about a year and a half ago, I got really sick and got to spent a month in the hospital. In a hospital, for any diet, but especially a clear liquid diet, all they give you for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, is jello. Try being served that for about 90 consecutive meals and see how much you like gelatinous substances after that. When I was finally discharged, I swore up and down on my life that I would never consume jello in any of its forms again. This includes jello shots.
3) The Little Black Dress- (as every reading this suddenly gasps in shock and horror)
Yes, yes, you don't have to say anything, I've heard it all. It's so chic, it never goes out of style, goes with anything, can be worn everywhere, timeless, Audrey Hepburn, blah blah. Like I said I've heard it all. I have no problem with the dresses themselves. I think that plenty are gorgeous and stylish, and I love a good classic item, but to me, it is just such a fashion cliche. In high school, at my junior year semi formal, I was one out of 6 girls that did not show up in a little black dress. There were about 2-300 girls there. That night I had my fashion epiphany, I spend a lot of money on my clothes. Why would I want to spend all that money on an item that is going to make me look like literally, every girl in the room? Since then, I have vowed never to own a LBD. The only way I will is if I am a bridesmaid in a wedding where the bride wants us all to wear black. I have no qualms about wearing a black skirt with a black top, but for me, a black dress is a no-no. Of course, this makes shopping for dresses particularly difficult. I once broke down in a Bloomingdale's dressing room and tried on several LBD's in desperation of not having anything to wear to a wedding. The dresses themselves were gorgeous but made me look awkward and out of place. Awkwardness isn't sexy. Confidence is. I will continue on with my LBD-free existance.
4) Juicy Couture-
I don't get it. I really don't. My rear end is not a billboard. Neither is my chest. Just because you can make something using nothing but velour and gold charms, it does not mean you should. Am I alone in this sentiment? I was seriously shocked when I found those gold flats and liked them and discovered that they were from Juicy. When I was in middle school, Juicy was only worn by preppy, jappy girls and was chock full of plain, solid-color cardigans and tees. I was in heaven. Then, they decided to go all jappy punk and since then, I have not liked a single thing from them. Except for those flats apparently. Also, I see no point in spending around $1-200 on a shirt that is so trendy that in roughly 2.5 minutes it will be unwearable.
5) Ed Hardy-
Can someone please explain to me the appeal of this brand? Granted I understand that girls who almost never leave their house without pearls and own a plethora of Lilly, J.Crew and Lacoste polos may not be their target market, I still just don't get it. I have a very conservative fashion sense, and I really don't like shirts that have any kind of graphic or writing on them. The only one I will wear that do are 1) if I am participating in a charity event that requires me to wear the event's shirt, 2) my sorority shirts, and 3) a shirt that my friend got me for my birthday one year that has the Coca-Cola logo on it in Hebrew. While I understand that not everyone out there shares my love of all things plain and simple, why would you want to wear a not-so-flattering, tight-fitting tee with a skull and roses and a "witty" saying on it? If someone understands this brand to me, please explain it to me. (I should also say that I strongly dislike tattoos and this may have a lot to do with why I hate this brand.)
6) The book Skinny Bitch-
As you may have picked up on this by now, I am a very sarcastic person and have a sarcastic sense of humor and appreciate the same in the books I read. This is why I'm such a huge fan of Jen Lancaster's. My friend read the book Skinny Bitch and told me that since I was trying to lose weight and it had a sarcastic tone, I would love it. I didn't folks. Not at all. The entire premise of the book is that the only way to lose weight and have any sense of confidence or be able to find a man and be pretty and happy is to be a vegan. If you are not, then you are a horrible person who does not deserve to live but it's ok, because you will never be skinny or happy and then no one will love you and that is all that matters in this world. I read this book and thought "is this really what she thinks of me?" While the vegan lifestyle most certainly is not for me, I enjoy my steak and my mac and cheese too much (but at separate meals because I'm kosher!), I applaud anyone who wants to make that choice for themselves. However, just because your lifestyle is right for you, that does not mean that it is right for everybody, and there are other ways to achieve happiness in this world. There is a fine line between being sarcastic and being just plain mean. The authors of this book fail to realize that. This book was a New York Times Bestseller, so yes, I realize that there are plenty of people out there who don't share my sentiment. I'm not going to lose sleep over that.